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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

11.06.2025 03:36

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

The only rule us 5 kids had .

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I write beautiful poetry .

I was very sick at this time too.

Why doesn't speeding significantly decrease one’s commute time? I've done a lot of road trips and driving and have experimented by increasing speed by 10–20%, but somehow this never equates to arriving 20% sooner, even on clear roads.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

What are some mind-blowing facts that sound unreal but are actually true?

They are buried together, in the same grave..

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Who then, do I blame.?

Are vampires real?

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?

And i lived it daily.

Put me off passion for life!!

She married twice! .

What caused the stock market to crash?

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

She loved him until the end.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

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But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

I waited trembling.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Why won't my mom let me come home if I'm homeless?

Was to survive, this bastard.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

(And it was in our own minds.)

What will help me to get a bigger butt naturally?

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

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Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

I said to her

Why did Lord Shiva lust after Mohini - how can he be the supreme and worthy of devotion if he did such a thing?

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

On the 31st of Jan this month .

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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

What have I done wrong? How can I start over?

When she asked me how she looked .

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

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And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

She found it foreign!.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I think the readers, may guess!

I will be 64.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

She wouldn,t have been !

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I never cut or harmed myself..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Would this be the day?

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I couldn’t, believe it.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

What did i know ?

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

I was 9 years of age.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I could never make a relationship work though!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I was seconnd youngest,

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Why did i forgive my father ?

My mum and dad in the seventies!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I have no regrets .

This is soul school!.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Comes on , in middle age.

He knew the spot.

One cannot live in the past .

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

We all went to grammer schools

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

All the time i was locked up.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I don,t even have a pension.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

We were not on the streets..

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

But it wasn’t much.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

My family never makes their pension either.

I was scared of men, in general

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My life is so biszare .

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Im still living with it.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Ive learnt so much.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

It was going to be , some day.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

He resisted the act ,that day.

So, i spoilt her more .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

So whats the point in blame.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

She was in good health!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

But, we were locked up after school.